There is so much emptiness ... So much pain ...over and over ... One would think the pain would fill the void, and the emptiness would no longer exist ... If only ...

If life is about learning, and I would like to think it is, in part, then how much suffering does one person have to endure? Does the suffering go over and over, until the lesson is learned? Can it be that we learn every lesson that we need to learn in a lifetime? Hmmmm.

Why am I stuck in this NOTHINGNESS as if I never had any power to make things happen at all? Is it that I am supposed to be OUT of Toronto at this particular time in the history of the world? Is there some bigger picture really happening here with the lull of my life? I don't meet people ... Social networking offline really is not working here in NS for me. Sex? The last time I had that was so long ago, it is verging on the pathetic. And this constant battle with my own mother?!!!!???!!! I do not actually think that in her right mind that she HATES me but she carries on as though she does, so what's the difference? Why must this be happening to me?

As I type this, all these questions ...I do realize I am among many others before me who have asked the "WHYS" of it all. Yet, where is the comfort ... ? Where are the answers?