Snowbound ...

THE FOLLOWING WAS AN OLDER POST FROM A JOURNAL BUT IT SADLY STILL APPLIES:

The first snowfall has come and gone. The memories of summer are faint, but linger on. Life is not great - still, not great for me at all, but I am still alive somehow. At least for now. In spite of it all.

My mother is working my last nerves. I have been stuck here in NS now for some time and nobody seems to GET IT. All the pain I feel daily, the longing for Toronto or some other metropolis, so that I can be ME once again, at last. To have an opportunity to share my creative endeavors with the masses, and to just LIVE, an not be an afterthought in my family's lives. Especially after all my contributions to them since returning. My older sister is the worst one for not seeming to remember how I have supported her and her daughter, given financial aid with whatever money I had when first back, with a little "extra" cash. Now she doesn't call me nor do we have any real relationship to speak of. She has chosen to make her world about she and her now teen daughter, at the expensive of her two brothers and mother, her family of origin.

I feel almost hopeless again as the year pulls to an end. At the end of my rope, stress at an all-time-high, thanks to this awful existence AND the stress from the time I spend at mom's under her thumb and with her rude comments and put downs ... I wish there were someone to help ME .... financial aid, ha! To get back to Toronto, with money to keep me afloat for several months until I got a job, and to help me get a place to live. I wish. Oh, how I wish.