Me & Mom ~ This Isn't Going To End Well

Most of my days start off very rocky. Speaking of which - I think Mom might truly be off her "rocker" now! One day last year she locked me out of the back door of the house only minutes after I had gone out the front door, to take out some garbage and survey the yard a bit. After gathering the newspaper from it's mail slot I decided to walk around a bit and then come back into the house via the back entrance - which actually looks like/and is often mistaken for the front entrance, though there is no driveway there, just lots of lawn! Well, the joke was on me, because when I got up the stairs, planning to come in and cut through the veranda, the door was not only suddenly closed, but locked! THAT FAST!!!!

She denies having done it ...

Often now she will accuse me of trying to drive HER crazy (FFS!) and calls me all kinds of variations on Satan ... but, as the Brits say, it's "bollox" anyway.

Mom is a classic case of DENIAL.
A classic case of what the doctor's call TRANSFERENCE, trying to make the one she is verbally abusing out to be the abuser, and I'm so not falling for it.

I feel sorry for her yes, but her long-standing stubborn, not listening to anybody, particularly anything I might have to offer as advice from my life experiences, is the big thing that is blocking her own HEALING ... So, after awhile, you feel less sorry, and just frustrated with what you're being put through also, and sad for the person doing it ...

As if ...

As if I would believe her: "I think you're losing it ...!"

Yeah, whatever Mom ... Go Grow Up(one of her favorite sayings ...always somebody else whom needs to grow up!) and deal with your fucking issues. It is about time now. First you blamed my absentee father for everything that didn't agree with you in life, then you blamed us, your kids, and the raising of three kids as a single mother ... In most recent times, you have taken to blaming me ...The ONLY CHILD OF YOURS WHO COMES TO HELP YOU, and see you!

Where is the fucking justice in THAT?!!!!

My Series Of Unfortunate Circumstances

Do you believe in jinxes, curses, bad luck? I didn't. Then life started to take a turn for the worse. OK, I won't exactly say I firmly believe in any of those things but I do know the series of unfortunate circumstances that have been part of my life for over ten years now. Some people believe in fate. Some, that we make our own luck. I would challenge those people to live the life I've lived these past, say sixteen years & see how they feel about what they CHOSE to believe then! Not saying that I have it worse than the poor starving person in the Third World Country, or than man with one arm or no legs. I really don't think it works to compare our misfortunes in that way. I'm living MY LIFE, & these are the things that I have to deal with, as best I can. If they hurt me, then that's a fact no one can make less of by comparing mine with someone else's misery. What I'm saying is that the way I thought life was when I was a precocious little singing & all-around creative kid dreaming of bright lights & big city even back then, and the life that I now live - oh so different! Years between in Toronto,now they offered a whole lot of surprises and interesting occurrences. Ten years of good luck; ten years of BAD? What lies ahead now then? When will the tide turn? Will it turn?

Daytime, Theatre, & Film Legend Passes Away

James Mitchell Has Passed Away At Age 89

Friday, January 22, 2010 Posted by Roger Newcomb

Soap Opera Digest is reporting that longtime ALL MY CHILDREN star James Mitchell (Palmer Cortlandt) died today, Jan. 22, in LA of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, complicated by pneumonia.

Sacramento native Mitchell appeared on the soaps THE EDGE OF NIGHT as Lloyd Griffin and WHERE THE HEART IS as Julian Hathaway prior to his run on ALL MY CHILDREN which began in 1979. He earned seven Daytime Emmy nominations for the role of Palmer.

Mitchell started his career as a dancer and achieved great success appearing in films such as Moonlight in Havana, Rhythm of the Islands and White Savage.

Taylor Miller, who played Mitchell's daughter Nina on ALL MY CHIDLREN, spoke fondly of him in our recent interview: "James Mitchell (Palmer), one of the kindest men in the world, was about finding the humor in situations." She also spoke about requesting to come back to the show last year to spend time with him: "I wanted to come back on the show because James [Mitchell] is not feeling well. And I wanted to come back to be with him, to be able to see him more. And they said, 'No.'"

Mitchell recently appeared on ALL MY CHILDREN's 40th anniversary show on Jan. 5.

When My House is Paid For
words & music by kirk

verse:
when the house is paid for, i will be so free
i will throw a party,
the best you'll ever see ...
i'll be doing backflips,
flying through the trees

when my house is paid for
I shall be so pleased!

verse:
when I take possession
and fully all is mine
what a celebration
life will be so fine

I'm gonna sing forever
when I have the keys
when my house is paid for
just you wait and see ...

bridge:
oh, believe me
there will be one happy guy
when I hear the house is mine ...
i will be so satisfied ..

(Copyright 2009-2010)

AS I AM
words & music by kirk

verse
in the name of something wonderful, and pure ...
you give to me ... your legacy

but i want something more ...

~
a difficult relationship at times ...
if you would let me be myself
then everything'd be fine ...

bridge
but the writing's on the wall
it's clear to see
the only change that you're about
is the change you want in me

HOOK~
yeah, i was once your boy
but now i am a man

take a look at me
oh, take me as i am ...

take a moment out
forget about your plans

this is me right now ...
take me as i am ...

...just as i am ...

(Copyright 2009-2010)

.................................................

LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF
words & music by kirk

verse
What pretty eyes i see
staring me in the face ...

ond oh, such a perfect smile
like a gentle sweet embrace

and oh, what a body
you can tell it's been arond the bend ...
don't really mean to be naughty
but what a cute and sexy man ...

bridge~
through scrutinizin'
fin'lly i'm realizin' (and)

HOOK
LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF
YOU SEE
CRAVIN' FOR NO ONE ELSE
JUST ME ...
AND THOUGH THEY'VE HAD SOME DOUBTS BEFORE
THESE EYES, NOW, FOR ONCE ARE SURE ...
I'M NOT SEEKING LOVE OR CHASING WEALTH
THESE DAYS JUST LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF

(copyright 2009-2010)

Where's The 'Beef'?!

I am finding with each new episode, that which I loved most about that very first episode of Glee is the same thing that makes it more unbelievable & fake in the context of an on-going television series. I do LOVE a production featuring people who will burst out into song at any given moment - don't get me wrong, But within reason! What's pissing me off about Glee & gives me that tragic sinking feeling that I might have to 'abandon ship'?:

1. The polished pre-recorded studio vocals that simply come across as TOO smooth
with the actors lip-sync along each week.

2. Stiff or slightly awkward dancing from people who should not ever be trying to bust
a move on stage!

3. Glee Coach's inappropriate behavior with the youth, like jumping on & dancing
atop a piano (as if!).

The list goes on. Keep in mind though, that these are observations that I didn't want to embrace at all! Finally, a show on TV again similar to the original Fame series, with song and celebration! Only Glee, in 2009 loses credibility with an unbalanced amount of reality vs fantasy.

I would still give Glee a strong 7.5 out of 10 at this point, but I'm not sure where I'll stand at the end of the next episode. The cast is talented, and it was a great surprise to see the lovely Charlotte Ross (NYPD Blue) on this week's episode. Hope there's more of her & less of the aforementioned cheesiness. Maybe she'll get to sing on camera again.

I do love Ryan Murphy's (Nip/Tuck, Popular) work as a writer/producer and realize he has a unique spin on 'reality', yet, I believe Glee needs to be reigned in a bit. Really, I don't want to lose the Glee; don't want to turn the channel. As it stands, the show is like a solo meal of salad without any meat and potatoes ...